Here we go again...

The deployment cycle has come full swing. Here we are with the next deployment a short time away. This time it's much different. A 3.5 year old, a 6 month old, living in Iowa, and working full time. We found out about this deployment just before our daughter was born. And just like last time the anticipation of it is terrible. Just a few weeks ago I had the feeling of, just get here so we can get it started. Now, I am hoping that someone isthisclose to inventing a time machine.
Last weekend we attended our first Yellow Ribbon event. We were not really looking forward to sitting in a meeting room and being killed by power point. Let me tell you our surprise when it was actually helpful and fun. The speakers were all very engaging and expressed the feelings that they had during their deployments. The people at each of the booths really wanted to be there and tell us all about how they could help us through the deployment and beyond. I'm very thankful for this program. There are only a couple of people going with my husband this time and support from other family members is non-existant.
Hopefully I will be able to keep up with the blog while he is gone again but no promises!

Setting us up for failure

After having discussions with three of my army wife friends I firmly believe that the Army is trying to set every marriage up for failure. My husband has told me that when he went through boot camp that his drill sgt told him that he should never trust a female, that all they will ever do is cheat on you. After talking with my friends each of their husbands were told the same thing. The worst part is that it's not said just once, it's said a thousand times so they don't forget it.
I know that there ARE females that don't stay true to their soldier, but come on! Those are also the women that probably would have done the exact same thing if her husband had an 8-5 job and had work trips. The mentality from the civilian world that military spouses all cheat while their spouse is gone makes me want to scream! I know of maybe 3 spouses that have cheated...but I know probably 100 spouses that didn't!
When our husband comes home from a deployment we are supposed to be happy and thankful. At least that's what the Yellow Ribbon program explains to us. I believe we focused on how to deal with each other for all of 5 minutes. If the Army really wanted us to succeed as a couple they would spend 3 whole weekends on us as a couple.
While they are deployed everything really does revolve around them. My phone NEVER left my side. Each time it would ring my heart would skip a beat, or six. And they worry about themselves. Don't get me wrong, I never once wanted him to worry about me while he was in the Stan. But when he came back, it was still a lot about him. I didn't want to make him mad, I didn't want to say something wrong, I wanted to show him that not only did I need him around I wanted him there too. And still, after more than a year being back, things from my side and his are mostly about him. I have to adjust because he has to leave for 3 days each month. I have to calm my son when he realizes that daddy isn't going to be home for a few days. I have spent 2 nights away from my son in almost two years, my husband has spent close to 10 months away in those 2 years and only 6 if those were deployment months.
I wish the Army would actually think about the family. I wish there was a mandatory class about how you need to treat your spouse and that even through the wife's world revolves around her soldier, the soldiers life needs to revolve around the wife too. (Granted the Army comes first, and I know that)
I feel like a lot of my Army friends are going through the same issues right now...thank goodness we are there for one another. I love you ladies more than you know!

Trying this working mom thing

I decided to apply at a temp agency 2 weeks ago. I got a call the very next day and went in for an interview a couple days later. Well, less than a week after that I got a phone call for a job that was going to be just a week long. I thought, this will be perfect! I haven't worked for more than 2 years so this will be a perfect way for me to get my feet wet. I started Wednesday afternoon and by Thursday afternoon I was told that I would probably get extended but I will do a different job. It's been a week and a half at the job and I LOVE IT! It's a great small company that does really good work.
As I was walking out of work tonight my boss came to me and told me that the female owner of the company wants me to put in my résumé for a job so I can go through the whole hiring process. I would love to do this job...the problem is, my résumé is horrible! I've had a bunch of jobs for not much time. Before I met my husband I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life, I got caught up with stupid stuff...nothing really bad, but my priorities weren't in the right place. A few months before I met my husband I got my crap together, still didn't know what I wanted to do for my career though so i did a couple of jobs just because there wasn't much in the town that we lived in. Then I got pregnant, quit my job, and moved to Florida. I'm worried that the people of the company will look at my résumé and not want me to work for them anymore. I've seen the resumes that have come through...I look like an idiot compared to them. I was told that everyone in the company really likes me and that I fit in very well there. I don't want my resume to screw that up. My gut is telling me that they will look at my résumé and then they won't even go through the hiring process with me, that's going to make me feel like crap. On the other hand, I'd be so happy to do the job that they are hiring for. On top of all of that...my husband has some stuff going on that could change everything of us.

I'm alive, I swear

Is been wayyyy too long since I wrote anything. Life has been moving along in this household. The husband got a job that he started at the end on November. He is working for the state at a maximum security prison. I on the other had have still not found a job. I am getting very discouraged. Now, I know that my work history is not the best. I have been very indecisive about what I want to do and where I want to live and now that I'm ready for my career to start I am having a very hard time finding that career. I had a kind of phone interview this morning and moved onto the second step of the process. I should be getting a phone call later today to see how the second part went. I'm not going to say anything else about the job because I don't want to jinx it. Part of me is so ready to get out of the house for a bit and start feeling like I am contributing more than just mommy duty to our family. If I can get a job our family will be better off. I know that my husband would be very happy.
How do you stay positive in situations where you keep getting rejected? More than half of the jobs I have applied for never even got back to me. That part irritates me. Oh well, wish me luck I guess!

My husband's mistress

It's hunting! I hate it! I don't think I would hate it as much if it were only 2 weeks or a month. But NO, it is 4 months long and we are still just in the first 3 weeks of it. Granted I know that he could be out doing worse things, like going to bars or whatever, but hunting takes up a lot of money and even more time. I just wish that he didn't HAVE to get 6 deer every year. He donates them anyways, we don't keep them (I do no like deer meat). There is still a freezer FULL of deer meat from his dad hunting last year. Now I know he hasn't hunted in 2 years but come on! Do you have to go every single night? Ok, rant over.

We thought it would be different

If you would have asked my husband and myself 9 months ago what we would be doing now neither one of us would have said, "looking for jobs...STILL!" It's been more than 9 months since hubby returned from deployment and neither one of us has found a job. With his job experience (he's only had 3 jobs, including Army) he was at one job for 6 years, one for 12 years, and the Army for 6 years. And he can't get a job because he doesn't have experience. You have got to be kidding me! If people would give him a chance to interview they would understand that the job he is applying for is the exact same thing he did while deployed, and he had a ton more people under him than this civilian job! Then there is me. For a long time I didn't stay in one place very long so my jobs are all over the place with working and all over the place in the country. Then I have this huge, almost 2 year, whole in my résumé. Well, I got pregnant, married, moved, and my husband deployed all within 2 months...so yeah, I didn't work. We decided that it would be better for myself, my husband, and our baby that I stay at home. But employers don't know that unless they ask, and NO they are not allowed to ask. So yes, in my cover letter it states that I am a stay at home mom ready to return to work. I'd like something part time to start, ie. secretary, but then I'm over qualified because I have a bachelors degree.
So he we are...still jobless and homeless, kinda. Thank goodness hubby is able to get unemployment since he got laid off. And thank goodness we have family that doesn't mind us living with them. But we are grown and have a child of our own. I never would have imagined that it would be this hard.
So, anyone wasn't to offer either of us a job?

Things I wish I would have told myself

Now that Our son is 14 months and my husband has been home for almost 9 months I've had a lot of time to think about things. There are so many things that I look back on now that I wish I would have known before.
Giving birth without my husband there will be the hardest thing, but having my mom there will be my best second option.
Breast feeding, and extended breast feeding, will be the most rewarding thing I will ever do.
A year without my husband will seem like it never even happened just months after he gets home.
Finding a job WILL NOT BE EASY for either of us.
Living with our parents is ok, but we need to be by ourselves more.
It's ok to need a break sometimes ( I'm still having a hard time not feeling guilty).
Take a vacation!
Don't spend so much money on clothes for our little man, I'll only put him in the stuff that I like most anyways.

Those are just a few of the tHings that I wish I had told myself before this deployment. I haven't had much much of a break from our little guy in over 14months and I need to figure out how to get away for more than a couple of hours. I'm still breast feeding, only before bedtime. I'm worried that if I leave for a night that my milk will go away, and I'm not sure if our kiddo or I am ready for that. And I have tried to pump but I get nothing because it has been months since I pumped last. So,any of you nursing mommies have some suggestions for me? I need a nice break so PLEASE HELP!