Here we go again...

The deployment cycle has come full swing. Here we are with the next deployment a short time away. This time it's much different. A 3.5 year old, a 6 month old, living in Iowa, and working full time. We found out about this deployment just before our daughter was born. And just like last time the anticipation of it is terrible. Just a few weeks ago I had the feeling of, just get here so we can get it started. Now, I am hoping that someone isthisclose to inventing a time machine.
Last weekend we attended our first Yellow Ribbon event. We were not really looking forward to sitting in a meeting room and being killed by power point. Let me tell you our surprise when it was actually helpful and fun. The speakers were all very engaging and expressed the feelings that they had during their deployments. The people at each of the booths really wanted to be there and tell us all about how they could help us through the deployment and beyond. I'm very thankful for this program. There are only a couple of people going with my husband this time and support from other family members is non-existant.
Hopefully I will be able to keep up with the blog while he is gone again but no promises!

Setting us up for failure

After having discussions with three of my army wife friends I firmly believe that the Army is trying to set every marriage up for failure. My husband has told me that when he went through boot camp that his drill sgt told him that he should never trust a female, that all they will ever do is cheat on you. After talking with my friends each of their husbands were told the same thing. The worst part is that it's not said just once, it's said a thousand times so they don't forget it.
I know that there ARE females that don't stay true to their soldier, but come on! Those are also the women that probably would have done the exact same thing if her husband had an 8-5 job and had work trips. The mentality from the civilian world that military spouses all cheat while their spouse is gone makes me want to scream! I know of maybe 3 spouses that have cheated...but I know probably 100 spouses that didn't!
When our husband comes home from a deployment we are supposed to be happy and thankful. At least that's what the Yellow Ribbon program explains to us. I believe we focused on how to deal with each other for all of 5 minutes. If the Army really wanted us to succeed as a couple they would spend 3 whole weekends on us as a couple.
While they are deployed everything really does revolve around them. My phone NEVER left my side. Each time it would ring my heart would skip a beat, or six. And they worry about themselves. Don't get me wrong, I never once wanted him to worry about me while he was in the Stan. But when he came back, it was still a lot about him. I didn't want to make him mad, I didn't want to say something wrong, I wanted to show him that not only did I need him around I wanted him there too. And still, after more than a year being back, things from my side and his are mostly about him. I have to adjust because he has to leave for 3 days each month. I have to calm my son when he realizes that daddy isn't going to be home for a few days. I have spent 2 nights away from my son in almost two years, my husband has spent close to 10 months away in those 2 years and only 6 if those were deployment months.
I wish the Army would actually think about the family. I wish there was a mandatory class about how you need to treat your spouse and that even through the wife's world revolves around her soldier, the soldiers life needs to revolve around the wife too. (Granted the Army comes first, and I know that)
I feel like a lot of my Army friends are going through the same issues right now...thank goodness we are there for one another. I love you ladies more than you know!

Trying this working mom thing

I decided to apply at a temp agency 2 weeks ago. I got a call the very next day and went in for an interview a couple days later. Well, less than a week after that I got a phone call for a job that was going to be just a week long. I thought, this will be perfect! I haven't worked for more than 2 years so this will be a perfect way for me to get my feet wet. I started Wednesday afternoon and by Thursday afternoon I was told that I would probably get extended but I will do a different job. It's been a week and a half at the job and I LOVE IT! It's a great small company that does really good work.
As I was walking out of work tonight my boss came to me and told me that the female owner of the company wants me to put in my résumé for a job so I can go through the whole hiring process. I would love to do this job...the problem is, my résumé is horrible! I've had a bunch of jobs for not much time. Before I met my husband I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life, I got caught up with stupid stuff...nothing really bad, but my priorities weren't in the right place. A few months before I met my husband I got my crap together, still didn't know what I wanted to do for my career though so i did a couple of jobs just because there wasn't much in the town that we lived in. Then I got pregnant, quit my job, and moved to Florida. I'm worried that the people of the company will look at my résumé and not want me to work for them anymore. I've seen the resumes that have come through...I look like an idiot compared to them. I was told that everyone in the company really likes me and that I fit in very well there. I don't want my resume to screw that up. My gut is telling me that they will look at my résumé and then they won't even go through the hiring process with me, that's going to make me feel like crap. On the other hand, I'd be so happy to do the job that they are hiring for. On top of all of that...my husband has some stuff going on that could change everything of us.

I'm alive, I swear

Is been wayyyy too long since I wrote anything. Life has been moving along in this household. The husband got a job that he started at the end on November. He is working for the state at a maximum security prison. I on the other had have still not found a job. I am getting very discouraged. Now, I know that my work history is not the best. I have been very indecisive about what I want to do and where I want to live and now that I'm ready for my career to start I am having a very hard time finding that career. I had a kind of phone interview this morning and moved onto the second step of the process. I should be getting a phone call later today to see how the second part went. I'm not going to say anything else about the job because I don't want to jinx it. Part of me is so ready to get out of the house for a bit and start feeling like I am contributing more than just mommy duty to our family. If I can get a job our family will be better off. I know that my husband would be very happy.
How do you stay positive in situations where you keep getting rejected? More than half of the jobs I have applied for never even got back to me. That part irritates me. Oh well, wish me luck I guess!

My husband's mistress

It's hunting! I hate it! I don't think I would hate it as much if it were only 2 weeks or a month. But NO, it is 4 months long and we are still just in the first 3 weeks of it. Granted I know that he could be out doing worse things, like going to bars or whatever, but hunting takes up a lot of money and even more time. I just wish that he didn't HAVE to get 6 deer every year. He donates them anyways, we don't keep them (I do no like deer meat). There is still a freezer FULL of deer meat from his dad hunting last year. Now I know he hasn't hunted in 2 years but come on! Do you have to go every single night? Ok, rant over.

We thought it would be different

If you would have asked my husband and myself 9 months ago what we would be doing now neither one of us would have said, "looking for jobs...STILL!" It's been more than 9 months since hubby returned from deployment and neither one of us has found a job. With his job experience (he's only had 3 jobs, including Army) he was at one job for 6 years, one for 12 years, and the Army for 6 years. And he can't get a job because he doesn't have experience. You have got to be kidding me! If people would give him a chance to interview they would understand that the job he is applying for is the exact same thing he did while deployed, and he had a ton more people under him than this civilian job! Then there is me. For a long time I didn't stay in one place very long so my jobs are all over the place with working and all over the place in the country. Then I have this huge, almost 2 year, whole in my résumé. Well, I got pregnant, married, moved, and my husband deployed all within 2 months...so yeah, I didn't work. We decided that it would be better for myself, my husband, and our baby that I stay at home. But employers don't know that unless they ask, and NO they are not allowed to ask. So yes, in my cover letter it states that I am a stay at home mom ready to return to work. I'd like something part time to start, ie. secretary, but then I'm over qualified because I have a bachelors degree.
So he we are...still jobless and homeless, kinda. Thank goodness hubby is able to get unemployment since he got laid off. And thank goodness we have family that doesn't mind us living with them. But we are grown and have a child of our own. I never would have imagined that it would be this hard.
So, anyone wasn't to offer either of us a job?

Things I wish I would have told myself

Now that Our son is 14 months and my husband has been home for almost 9 months I've had a lot of time to think about things. There are so many things that I look back on now that I wish I would have known before.
Giving birth without my husband there will be the hardest thing, but having my mom there will be my best second option.
Breast feeding, and extended breast feeding, will be the most rewarding thing I will ever do.
A year without my husband will seem like it never even happened just months after he gets home.
Finding a job WILL NOT BE EASY for either of us.
Living with our parents is ok, but we need to be by ourselves more.
It's ok to need a break sometimes ( I'm still having a hard time not feeling guilty).
Take a vacation!
Don't spend so much money on clothes for our little man, I'll only put him in the stuff that I like most anyways.

Those are just a few of the tHings that I wish I had told myself before this deployment. I haven't had much much of a break from our little guy in over 14months and I need to figure out how to get away for more than a couple of hours. I'm still breast feeding, only before bedtime. I'm worried that if I leave for a night that my milk will go away, and I'm not sure if our kiddo or I am ready for that. And I have tried to pump but I get nothing because it has been months since I pumped last. So,any of you nursing mommies have some suggestions for me? I need a nice break so PLEASE HELP!

that moment when...

You know that moment when a friend needs you? That moment when they just need to vent and not really hear anything from you? Do you know that moment when you need that friend? I am so thankful to have great friends that I have those moments with. Those moments when I just break down or they just break down because someone FINALLY understands EXACTLY what I'm talking about, without me having to go into complete detail. I am sad that my closest friends are not close to me in distance but to me, it doesn't really matter. We might not see each other all that often, but I know that when I NEED my friends they are ALWAYS there for me. Our lives have gone in different directions or our lives have come together because of crappy things, either way, whether I have known you since I was born, or just known you for less than 2 years, you are all so important to me. Our husbands can suck, because we all know they do once in a while (just like we as wives can suck), or we can have something spectacular happen and I know that these friends I have will be right there with me and I sure hope that they know I will be right there with them too.
You know that moment when you're ready for a break? When its almost time for the kids to take a nap and you push it up 15 minutes because you are SO ready for some quiet time? I have that feeling sometimes too, today was not one of those days. Our little man woke up so happy. When I was nursing him he would take breaks and pull my face to his to give me a kiss. He did this about 10 times. I LOVE when he initiates the kiss. Its still the open mouth slobbery kiss and its THE BEST!
You know that moment when, even after they've been gone for just a few days, your husband gets home? I still get the butterflies in my stomach. I know, a few days is NOTHING, believe me, I know that, but its still fun to get those butterflies. My husband had to go to his unit this week to get some stuff done, he's only been gone a day and should be back sometime tonight, but I still have all of the anticipation of missing him for more than just 2 days.
You know that moment when a friend says something that is offensive and you just don't know how to react? I have heard a few stories of this happening lately. Granted, I'm not usually at a loss for words but some people just need to keep their mouths SHUT! No, I don't need your opinion on my marriage. No, I don't need to hear how your marriage is so much better than mine. You gain 10 years of experience in life then talk to me. No, I'm not better than you, I'm just older and have been around the block. If you really feel that way, just keep it to yourself.
You know that moment when its just too quiet in the house. Yep, that moment is now. I better go find something to make noise!

I can't believe it

I am officially the mother of a toddler! That's so weird to say and think. ( I'm still getting use to the fact that I'm a mom) our little man's birthday party was a huge success. I didn't take nearly enough pictures and I totally forgot to take pictures of both of his cakes, but oh well. Poor little guy didn't sleep much the night before and he refused to take his morning nap so that made for an interesting party. About 2pm you could tell he was getting overly tired so we opened presents and put him down. I feel bad that he didn't get to say bye to everyone, but you just can't do too much when they are exhausted. He got some pretty cool presents too. So thank you to everyone that made it out for his party. On his actual birthday my dad, step-mom, grandma, and I took the little man out to Red Robin. He had a great time, until they sang to him. He was fine until the last 5 seconds then he freaked out. Everyone around us was laughing, including me, it was pretty funny. (the hubby was of course playing Army for the week and missed his birthday...thank you Army for that) It's July! For one Army Wife friend of mine this means it's the last short leg of her husband's deployment! So woo hoo for her! Just thinking about it brings me right back to when my husband was coming home. It's by far the most nerve wracking, exciting, stressful thing. I get short of breath remembering waiting at the airport (asking my stepdad to refresh his phone every 3 seconds to see where the plane was at), and seeing the plane as it pulled up to the gate. Ok, that's all I can talk about because my anxiety is high just thinking about it. So, good luck K! I hope you and the little munchkins have so much fun having M home again, and remember, its ok to get annoyed with stuff that he does! Still no jobs for us, but we don't totally mind right now. We are both still looking and hoping to hear from one employer soon.

Almost, for so many things

Lets start with its been almost 6 months since this deployment ended (exactly 6 months tomorrow). I still can't believe that at this time last year we were only 6 months into the stupid thing. It has been an interesting 6 months. My husband and I have both not found jobs yet, although I think both of us have fully enjoyed all of our family time together. But I think we are both ready for find something solid for all of us and to get back to reality, because as much as we would love to stay home with our son every day, we are not rich. Speaking of jobs, the hubby has an interview, starts in about 10 minutes. Hopefully next week we will find something out about it. There are a few other things that could be happening for jobs for him...but you know the Army, hurry up and wait. I applied for another job last week but I'm not holding my breath. It really sucks that after 4 years of college I still can't find a decent job. If the husband gets this job he will be looking into going to college as well. So please cross your fingers for him/us. It's almost time for our little man's birthday party! It's tomorrow. And let me tell you. I totally overdid it. I invited too many people. But, it's ok, or at least thats how I'm trying to justify it, he is our first kid. We have to celebrate his first year of life and our first year making it as parents. We got him this cool radio flyer 4-in-1 tricycle thingy. I am so excited for him to sit in it and take walks with him in it. His real birthday isn't until Tuesday so we will also go out to eat that night, sans hubby. Even though we aren't on deployment anymore the hubby still has Army stuff to do. Of course he has to leave for a week and miss our little guy's first birthday. But he did get to see him take his first real steps! Thank goodness it happened this week. Of course I was out running trying to get food for the party so I missed those steps, but it's ok. I guess that's all of the almost stuff for us right now.

11 months ago

11 months ago I was sitting in Florida enjoying a book and the nice weather. I would go to bed at night wondering if this deployment would ever end, wondering if my husband would be there when I went into labor or be able to even know that our son had been born. I was pretty sure that he would not be there and I thought that I had come to terms with it, but really, you can't come to terms with the fact that your husband would not be there to see your first child come into this world. This Friday will mark 11 months since our beautiful baby boy came into this world and probably once a week I think about my husband not being there. I was watching the last episode for the season of How I Met Your Mother and saw Lilly deliver with her husband right next to her. I admit it, I teared up...like I do every time I see a husband able to be there with his wife. I seriously can't even imagine how great it would be to hold my husband's hand while I'm having a contraction or hearing his voice and seeing his face while im pushing (he was on the phone as I delivered but he stayed pretty quiet). We talked the other day about where he was while we were on the phone as I delivered and what he was thinking. He was just standing there outside (it was the middle of the night for him) and all he thought was that I was delivering 2 weeks early. I will never be able to know how he really was feeling at the exact moment I was delivering his son but as disappointed as I was that he wasn't there I know that it was even worse for him. I wonder what it will be like when we get pregnant again. What will it be like for my husband to actually feel our child moving in my belly or even just see my belly grow? I know that once we finally get settled somewhere we will start discussing another kid (if I had my way it would have happened 5 months ago). But I knows that we need to be a family of 3 for a little bit before we add another little person into our lives.

Yellow Ribbon Events

The Army Reserves have these things that they call Yellow Ribbon. There are 6 events at happen prior to, during, and after a soldier deploys. The first event is with families and the soldier before they deploy. The next event is just for families and occurs 30-90 days after the soldier leaves. The third is families only, 30-90 days before the return of our soldier. #4 is supposed to be 30 days after the soldier returns and it is with families and the soldier. I'll start with #4. Not only was the location of ours changed, it didn't even happen until 4 months after the guys got back. They discuss a lot about suicide prevention and over spending (don't go buy a new truck). I know that the Yellow Ribbons have good intention, but they just aren't effective if they happen 4 months later. The reserves needs to figure out how to have these events at the correct time. As a wife I have the answer to everything...hahahaha...but I swear, I could figure this crap out way better. If someone would have issues with PTSD or depression or any thought of suicide, they probably would have done crap before they had been back for 4 months. #5 is supposed to be 60 days after they return and is with families and soldiers. This one for us happened 2 weeks after #4. We got to head to Denver for it, so that was nice. The information in this one was a little better, but some of the stuff they talk about is totally pointless. Something that I would like to change is the amount of family time we get at these events. It is drilled into us at each one of these events that family is the most important thing to reintegration. Well...GIVE US FAMILY TIME. We have to be there Friday to check in (spend 1+ hours trying to navigate this cluster fluff), get supper, and go to bed since we have to be up at 530 to get ready. Did I tell you that we have to be business casual for these events? Breakfast happens then the event starts at 0800. We don't get out until almost 1600 so that gives us time for supper and a little relaxing in the hotel room then bed because we are up again at 0530. Sunday starts off the same, but we get out at 1100 and have to head to the airport at 1200. Why can't they let us stay one more night? We could have gone sight seeing Sunday afternoon. We could have spent some quality family time together. Instead we rush rush rush around for a weekend. I dont totally understand why the reserves does this stuff the way that they do, but I guess I can just look at it as a weekend away. My guess is that these events are some of the only times that some of these families take a trip together, or they might be the first time they have even been on a plane. #6 is for soldiers only. The hubby will be leaving for it fathers day weekend (someone tell me how that is a good idea to begin with? FAMILY TIME is important? HA!) oh well. I'm happy to be almost 5 months past this deployment and we are still going strong, we actually are closer than ever!

Our Last Day

Today is our last day in Florida. I have such mixed emotions about this. I have just loved being down here for the last 14 months. The weather, having people to talk to all of the time, and the friendships I have made here are just a few of the things that I am going to miss the most.

I was lucky enough to meet another Army reserve wife, who was pregnant, and whose husband is deployed as well. We have spent lots of time at Olive Garden talking about everything from our husbands, to kids, to in-laws, and everything in between. It has been so nice to have someone right here that really understands all of the feelings that I was going through while my hubby was away. I was even lucky enough to go with her to pick up her husband when he came home for R&R. I was so happy to be able to keep her company and have my hubby take pictures of them. Not to mention that we already knew her husband so it was nice to welcome a friend home as well. I feel awful that we are leaving now, while her husband is still "over there". We did get to have one last Olive Garden date on Saturday night then we all went to BWW's for lunch on Sunday.
Kathryn- I am going to miss you so much. I hope that you really know how much I appreciate having you here to talk to. We will be back soon, hopefully we will be able to come back shortly after your hubby gets home. You better keep me updated and let me know when he will be home (that way I can get anxiety with you!!!)

I am a little bit excited to be leaving as well. We are going to be able to start fresh as a family. Pretty soon we will be relying on one another and not other people, which will be nice and stressful. I will be looking for work, which I am sad and happy about. The hubby will be doing odd jobs at his parent's house and at my dad's house for  the Spring and Summer while he waits for the fall semester to start. I am so excited for him to start his college career. He is a little nervous about it but I think that he is really looking forward to starting school again.

Of course our last day here in nice warm Florida our little man is sick. He woke up covered in puke about 1am. So he got a nice bath then went to sleep with us in our bed. He woke up again at 7am, nursed, then preceded to projectile vomit all over me while we were still in bed. He is napping right now, for the second time today. Poor kid, even though he isn't feeling well, when he is awake he still has a smile on his face. I hope that he feels better by tomorrow morning or it is going to make for a very interesting flight for us tomorrow.

Well, Good bye for now Florida.

The "real" reintegration

So many people that are not army spouses think that "Homecoming" from a deployment is just the hugs, kisses, and tears of joy. Its not. I truly believe that its the toughest part of the deployment process. Going from doing everything without your spouse for a year to trying to figure out how to let go of some of the responsibility is tough. The soldier has to figure out where they fit in, because their family just survived a year without much help, if any from them. I am thankful that our reintegration process has gone better than I had expected. Of course we have had arguments, those are to be expected. Our biggest argument is how much I use my phone. I tried to explain it to him that it was like another limb for the better part of a year and its a little tough to get out of that habit. I am getting better about it so our arguments have been less and less.
Being in the reserves gives people another challenge after a deployment. The hubby's civilian job had laid off just about everyone while he was gone and he was going to be next. We were actually happy that he was going to get laid off because we didn't want to live where his job was. While we were in Iowa he had a meeting with his employer and was told that he would be laid off. The hubby got everything that he wanted. We are now officially homeless and unemployed. I will pat myself on the back for this, I did a good job saving us money while he was gone so we can afford to stay unemployed for a while.
I know that we are a lucky family because reintegration really has been "easy" for us. I have heard of husbands that won't help with their children and a few divorces or separations within the unit. My heart breaks for those families. And if someone can explain to me why you would marry someone that either the soldier or the spouse can't wait a year for (meaning sex), I'd appreciate it. I just don't understand that. I know it happens more often that we would all like to think, but seriously. I want to scream at these people. HOW FRIGGIN STUPID!
Ok, short rant over.
I love having my hubby home, even when we do argue. We have become a well rounded family. And I realized that what I missed most about the hubby was the times that we are laying in bed and he or I say something stupid and we can't quit laughing (we tend to do this on a very regular basis).
I'd go through a million and one deployments if it meant that I get to spend the rest of my life calling my husband my husband. I love him more than I will ever be able to explain!

In the last 2 months

The same day the hubby made it home we went to the beach house. What a great week that was. We spent time shopping (he had to get new clothes of course), we went to Bass Pro (pretty sure he would live there if it was possible), going to the beach, and just enjoying time as a family without thinking about him having to go back. He got to watch our son in his jump-a-roo, which is one of the funniest things in the world. We had our first anniversary (nice quiet supper at the beach house). And we got to start a new bed time routine! There was no better way to spend our first week together. After that first week we spent 2 more weeks at my mom's house then headed to Iowa so he could see his family.
It was SO nice to have help while flying. Our little man did great and of course he flirted with EVERYONE. His parents picked us up from the airport and we went to my dad's house for lunch. We got to his parents house about 3 hours after we landed and I was ready to get settled.
We spent a week at his parents house. Exactly one month after he got home, he bought a truck. I was hoping that we would wait on it until we figured out what we would be doing and where we would live. No such luck. Too bad for him we had to wait to pick it up because the dealership wanted to clean it all up for us. He went on his ice fishing trip the night that we bought the truck so for an entire week I got to drive it. I went to my dad's house while he fished. The night that he was coming home I went to our friend Karen's house and her and I went to supper at Bluff Lake (BEST PRIME RIB!). The hubby was with her hubby fishing. I was so weird, I knew that he was only leaving for 5 days but so didn't want him to go. When it was all over I had to laugh at myself. 5 days...really...I just did 354 days!
We spent a few days in Wisconsin, not finding a house, another week at his parents, and another week at my dad's house. We decided that we were going to drive back to Florida. Oh boy was I stressing. A 7 month old on a 26 hour drive. I don't know why I ever stress about anything with our son. He was a champ! Only really fussed the last 20 minutes both days. Yes, that means we spent 13 hours in the truck each day.
We are back in Florida now but will be moving back up north in less than 2 weeks. So I am trying to enjoy my Army wife time while I can get it. (Thank you Kathryn for loving Olive Garden as much as I do!)

Its been a while

I had started a post less than a week after the hubby returned, but pretty much gave up on it because all I wanted to do was spend time with him and our little man.
His return was AMAZING! We went to the airport, myself, our baby, my mom, my step-dad, and my sister. My sister took lots of pictures for us, I haven't seen them yet, but I know that they are going to be great. As we were sitting there waiting for his plane to come in another mom and her daughter came up to me and they had tears in their eyes. Both are Army wives and could remember when their husbands came home from a deployment.
I seriously think I wanted for an hour just staring at the runway and asking my step-dad to refresh his phone (he was watching the hubby's flight for me). Then, there it was! My hands started to sweat, my heart started to race, and the tears started to well up. As I stood up to walk to where he would be coming out I heard the music that was playing in the airport. It couldn't have been a more perfect song. It was "All I Want For Christmas Is You." As I watched his plane taxi all I could think was, "Seriously? Could they taxi any slower??" Apparently I wasn't the only person in the airport thinking this because a man said the exact same thing to my step-dad.
I took our son out of the stroller, held our sign, and waited. I saw what was probably the entire plane get off before he did. Some people even asked if it was ok for them to stay and watch.
FINALLY, I saw that MultiCam uniform, and totally lost it. I had to bury my head into our little boy because I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up, faint, or quit breathing all together. Then he was just inches away, I threw the sign down and felt his arms around me. Let me tell you, THE MOST AMAZING FEELING IN THE WORLD! Actually being able to feel and smell him and knowing that he was really ok was better than the best feeling in the world. There were thunderous applause and tons of people cheering and yelling welcome home. (We have the whole thing on video as well) We probably stood there hugging and kissing for a good 10 minutes. I handed our son to him and the hubby couldn't believe how big he was.
As we walked to baggage to pick up all of his stuff every single person that we passed thanked him and said welcome home. We got into the elevator and there was a man, about 27 years old, in a wheel chair. He talked to the hubby and asked him where he had been. He proceeded to tell us that he had just returned in September. At this point I looked down and saw that his legs were just not right. I don't know how to explain it, you could just tell that something wasn't good. It took every part of me to not cry uncontrollably. That could have been my husband! I am so sad for that man, and so happy for my husband all at the same time.
We drove home and the hubby got to see all of the yellow ribbons that our entire street had put up. Once we got inside the house the neighbors started to come over to welcome him home. Mind you, most of them had never even met him. As we were sitting in the living room playing with Trace someone knocked on the front door. I answered it and it was a reporter from the newspaper. (We found out later that one of the neighbors had called and told them that there was a story that had to be told) The very next day, on the front of the paper, above the fold, was a huge picture of the hubby and our son. It was a great article!
It was so nice that first day just playing with our son TOGETHER!

Things will be different!

WELL DUH!
I am so thankful for a phone call today from my best friend Bim. She said that she wanted to call me because she knew that I would be taking some much needed family time away from the rest of the world. I had a conversation with one of my other friends the other day, I hope you don't mind me talking about this, and she was telling me that a friend of hers was mad because she knew things would be different between them once my friend's husband came home. HELLO! Of course things will be different. Our husbands will be home. We will have our best friend and other half back. No, we probably won't talk as much and we probably won't see each other as often, but sheesh, what do you expect. I feel so lucky that my best friend knows that I will be off in my own world for a little while. And I didn't have to say a single word to her about it. That is why she is more than my best friend. Bim, you really are my sister.
I am so thankful for such wonderful friends, the ones that I have met this year, and the ones that I have know since preschool.
So, for those people that are friends with someone that has a deployed spouse or other family member...don't expect things to be exactly the same when the deployed person returns. Remember, the family has spent almost a year without that person in their lives. Wouldn't you want so extra alone time if it was your family member? Don't be hard on the person, just let them be. Send a text or a short email letting them know that you are still there for them and that whenever they are ready you'd love to hang out or talk. Don't get upset if they don't respond back right away. (More than likely I will be turning off my phone completely for a few days, maybe other people will be doing this too) They really do appreciate everything you have done for them while their family member was away. Just remember how you might feel if you were in their shoes.

Can we say ANXIETY???

The past few weeks have been rough. Our son decided that he didn't need to sleep through the night anymore. Granted, I know that I am one of very few parents that is lucky enough to have a baby that has been sleeping 10+ uninterrupted hours each night since he was 2 months old, but it makes those few nights so hard! He was waking up between 1:30 and 4 every morning. Until 2 nights ago. Let me tell you, he must know that I already have enough anxiety for the both of us. 4am and I have been pretty good friends for a little while now (Seems like the time that I am up every morning). But last night 4am and I did not meet up. I was SO excited when I woke up and my clock said 5:53!
I ran around like crazy yesterday. And today has been a pretty quiet day. Got my hair done this morning (I have to do those last minute touch ups to look my best for my hubby). I've been lucky for the last 6 months because without doing much, if any, exercising I have been able to get down to 15 pounds BELOW prepregnancy weight. Thank you to my son that eats like an entire football team. I am excited for my hubby to see me because he hasn't seen me like this since we first met.
I have to wash the dog today, finish washing clothes and dog bedding, then wash my bedding since our wonderful little boy decided to spit up all over it. I finished the poster this afternoon and soon the rest of the yellow ribbons will be up (my sweet sister will be coming over tomorrow to help me with those). All of my neighbors have been asking when he is coming home. I can't believe what wonderful people I have met down here. My hair stylist even got teary eyed today while giving me a hug bye and told me to have a "romantic" Christmas. I might say that a "romantic" moment is MUCH needed in this part of the world.
I am really started to get excited now. We still don't have a concrete date or time for him to return but I know that it will be soon. And believe me, soon is not soon enough.
I hope that everyone is getting ready for a wonderful holiday season and those that have their families home with them, please remember that somewhere there is a wife or husband waking up with their children on Christmas morning missing the other parent. Even though my husband is in the states I continue to think about my friends and those strangers that can't be with their whole family.

He's Here! He's Here! Well...almost

Saturday morning at 1:30 I got that long awaited phone call. The one that stops your heart, "I'm in the states." Best phone call I have gotten since he called while our son was being born. While he was in transit he took his IPod and downloaded some app that he could text me as long as he had access to wireless internet. So for 2 days I could text him. After going for 15 days without hearing his voice those text messages were a huge suprise. He is now at his DeMob site and will hopefully be finding out today when he gets to come home to us. I feel very lucky because he got to come back about 3 days before the rest of the unit since he is Advon. I had no idea that he would be earlier than everyone so that was a nice little surprise as well. The rest of the unit got in last night. I know that the rest of the families are pretty happy about that too.
People keep asking me if I am excited. Its weird, I'm not yet. I think that I still have the mentality that it isn't true until I see him. Well, for me, when I hear him say that he is on his flight down here, that's when I will be excited. The more and more I think about it the more I get butterflies in my stomach. As of today we have been apart for 351 days. I can't believe that it has been that long.
There are so many things I have to get done before he gets here. Get the car washed, pick up his Christmas present, put up yellow ribons, CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN, wash the dog, get my hair done. I already made Trace's shirt that he will wear to the airport. And I've got my outfit ready.
I had been looking for a place for us to stay for a few days once he gets home. But Florida at this time of year is a bit rediculous for prices. And most places you can't even rent unless you want to rent for a week (at least $1500 for a week). I figured we would suck it up and pay that ammount so it could just be the 3 of us for a little while. So I emailed about 20 people asking if they had a week available and asking how much it would cost. One lady offered us a place for a 10% discount. One person said, "Sure, it'll be $2800!" Then, I got an email back from a man, I only know him as Pete (at least that's how he signs his emails). He said that their house was open and he would love to give it to us for FREE. I could not believe that someone would give us such a wonderful gift. A total stranger. What an amazing man this must be. So, thank you Pete, whom ever you may be. We are very much looking forward to 7 days on the beach just the 3 of us. (I have a feeling that I'll be leaving for a bit to give daddy some alone time with his son)
I guess I should be getting my butt out of this bed and getting ready for a day full of running around. I hope that everyone has a great day!

Its getting to be "That time"

Last year at this time my hubby was still at training and I was home trying to finish packing stuff up to move to Florida. I was sitting alone in our house wondering what it was going to be like in a year. Well, here I am a year later and its NOTHING like I thought it would be. At this very moment our son is taking his morning nap (almost always 2 hours). I would never have imagined that our son would be probably the easiest baby in the world. A year ago I was still the "nervous nancy". I got anxious about most things, I had to have a plan for EVERYTHING at least 2 weeks in advance, and I couldn't just go with the flow. Now, I have learned that I can't control everything. Hell, I can't control 98% of stuff. About Christmas last year I finally had the feeling that I needed to just let things be and everything would work out the way it is supposed to. Thank goodness for that feeling. It really has gotten me through this year. There have been some days that I just want to snap, mostly because I haven't heard from my husband in 12 days, and then I try to tell myself, "No news is good news." It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does.
Our little guy is getting so big. He's got to weigh almost 20lbs now. But he's not a fat kid at all. I love when people stare at him and comment on his shoes (I'm a shoe freak, what can I say). He has his fussy moments but all in all he is just the most amazing human being I have ever been around. He is sitting up on his own for long periods of time now. He moves forward in his walker. And he bounces like a maniac in his jump-a-roo. He has even scooted backwards a few times. I can't wait to see the look on my husband's face when he sees how big our son has gotten.
Pretty soon my husband should be coming home. We still don't know a date, or even a range of dates yet, but we know it will be soon. Of all of the things I have learned since meeting my husband, the one that I stick with the most is, "No getting excited about ANYTHING until its the DAY its supposed to happen." The Army's motto of "Hurry up and wait" is there for a reason. They could tell us one date then the day before they can change it. So I'm not getting excited just yet. I have started to prepare for it though. I ordered a banner from www.buildasign/troops.com . They do a free banner (you pay shipping). Its a 3 foot by 6 foot banner. THE THING IS HUGE! I have started to make 2 signs for us to hold at the airport too. (Thankfully he will be able to fly straight here instead of having to go with the unit). Once we find out that he is bank in the states we are going to put up yellow ribbons all around. I've started to clean, and I've even cleared out a drawer and put some of his clothes into it. I have started the not sleeping through the night routine again. I know that when he gets home I won't be sleeping through the night either, pretty sure I'll be staring at him.
Its so close, but not yet close enough.
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