My husband's mistress

It's hunting! I hate it! I don't think I would hate it as much if it were only 2 weeks or a month. But NO, it is 4 months long and we are still just in the first 3 weeks of it. Granted I know that he could be out doing worse things, like going to bars or whatever, but hunting takes up a lot of money and even more time. I just wish that he didn't HAVE to get 6 deer every year. He donates them anyways, we don't keep them (I do no like deer meat). There is still a freezer FULL of deer meat from his dad hunting last year. Now I know he hasn't hunted in 2 years but come on! Do you have to go every single night? Ok, rant over.

We thought it would be different

If you would have asked my husband and myself 9 months ago what we would be doing now neither one of us would have said, "looking for jobs...STILL!" It's been more than 9 months since hubby returned from deployment and neither one of us has found a job. With his job experience (he's only had 3 jobs, including Army) he was at one job for 6 years, one for 12 years, and the Army for 6 years. And he can't get a job because he doesn't have experience. You have got to be kidding me! If people would give him a chance to interview they would understand that the job he is applying for is the exact same thing he did while deployed, and he had a ton more people under him than this civilian job! Then there is me. For a long time I didn't stay in one place very long so my jobs are all over the place with working and all over the place in the country. Then I have this huge, almost 2 year, whole in my résumé. Well, I got pregnant, married, moved, and my husband deployed all within 2 months...so yeah, I didn't work. We decided that it would be better for myself, my husband, and our baby that I stay at home. But employers don't know that unless they ask, and NO they are not allowed to ask. So yes, in my cover letter it states that I am a stay at home mom ready to return to work. I'd like something part time to start, ie. secretary, but then I'm over qualified because I have a bachelors degree.
So he we are...still jobless and homeless, kinda. Thank goodness hubby is able to get unemployment since he got laid off. And thank goodness we have family that doesn't mind us living with them. But we are grown and have a child of our own. I never would have imagined that it would be this hard.
So, anyone wasn't to offer either of us a job?

Things I wish I would have told myself

Now that Our son is 14 months and my husband has been home for almost 9 months I've had a lot of time to think about things. There are so many things that I look back on now that I wish I would have known before.
Giving birth without my husband there will be the hardest thing, but having my mom there will be my best second option.
Breast feeding, and extended breast feeding, will be the most rewarding thing I will ever do.
A year without my husband will seem like it never even happened just months after he gets home.
Finding a job WILL NOT BE EASY for either of us.
Living with our parents is ok, but we need to be by ourselves more.
It's ok to need a break sometimes ( I'm still having a hard time not feeling guilty).
Take a vacation!
Don't spend so much money on clothes for our little man, I'll only put him in the stuff that I like most anyways.

Those are just a few of the tHings that I wish I had told myself before this deployment. I haven't had much much of a break from our little guy in over 14months and I need to figure out how to get away for more than a couple of hours. I'm still breast feeding, only before bedtime. I'm worried that if I leave for a night that my milk will go away, and I'm not sure if our kiddo or I am ready for that. And I have tried to pump but I get nothing because it has been months since I pumped last. So,any of you nursing mommies have some suggestions for me? I need a nice break so PLEASE HELP!

that moment when...

You know that moment when a friend needs you? That moment when they just need to vent and not really hear anything from you? Do you know that moment when you need that friend? I am so thankful to have great friends that I have those moments with. Those moments when I just break down or they just break down because someone FINALLY understands EXACTLY what I'm talking about, without me having to go into complete detail. I am sad that my closest friends are not close to me in distance but to me, it doesn't really matter. We might not see each other all that often, but I know that when I NEED my friends they are ALWAYS there for me. Our lives have gone in different directions or our lives have come together because of crappy things, either way, whether I have known you since I was born, or just known you for less than 2 years, you are all so important to me. Our husbands can suck, because we all know they do once in a while (just like we as wives can suck), or we can have something spectacular happen and I know that these friends I have will be right there with me and I sure hope that they know I will be right there with them too.
You know that moment when you're ready for a break? When its almost time for the kids to take a nap and you push it up 15 minutes because you are SO ready for some quiet time? I have that feeling sometimes too, today was not one of those days. Our little man woke up so happy. When I was nursing him he would take breaks and pull my face to his to give me a kiss. He did this about 10 times. I LOVE when he initiates the kiss. Its still the open mouth slobbery kiss and its THE BEST!
You know that moment when, even after they've been gone for just a few days, your husband gets home? I still get the butterflies in my stomach. I know, a few days is NOTHING, believe me, I know that, but its still fun to get those butterflies. My husband had to go to his unit this week to get some stuff done, he's only been gone a day and should be back sometime tonight, but I still have all of the anticipation of missing him for more than just 2 days.
You know that moment when a friend says something that is offensive and you just don't know how to react? I have heard a few stories of this happening lately. Granted, I'm not usually at a loss for words but some people just need to keep their mouths SHUT! No, I don't need your opinion on my marriage. No, I don't need to hear how your marriage is so much better than mine. You gain 10 years of experience in life then talk to me. No, I'm not better than you, I'm just older and have been around the block. If you really feel that way, just keep it to yourself.
You know that moment when its just too quiet in the house. Yep, that moment is now. I better go find something to make noise!

I can't believe it

I am officially the mother of a toddler! That's so weird to say and think. ( I'm still getting use to the fact that I'm a mom) our little man's birthday party was a huge success. I didn't take nearly enough pictures and I totally forgot to take pictures of both of his cakes, but oh well. Poor little guy didn't sleep much the night before and he refused to take his morning nap so that made for an interesting party. About 2pm you could tell he was getting overly tired so we opened presents and put him down. I feel bad that he didn't get to say bye to everyone, but you just can't do too much when they are exhausted. He got some pretty cool presents too. So thank you to everyone that made it out for his party. On his actual birthday my dad, step-mom, grandma, and I took the little man out to Red Robin. He had a great time, until they sang to him. He was fine until the last 5 seconds then he freaked out. Everyone around us was laughing, including me, it was pretty funny. (the hubby was of course playing Army for the week and missed his birthday...thank you Army for that) It's July! For one Army Wife friend of mine this means it's the last short leg of her husband's deployment! So woo hoo for her! Just thinking about it brings me right back to when my husband was coming home. It's by far the most nerve wracking, exciting, stressful thing. I get short of breath remembering waiting at the airport (asking my stepdad to refresh his phone every 3 seconds to see where the plane was at), and seeing the plane as it pulled up to the gate. Ok, that's all I can talk about because my anxiety is high just thinking about it. So, good luck K! I hope you and the little munchkins have so much fun having M home again, and remember, its ok to get annoyed with stuff that he does! Still no jobs for us, but we don't totally mind right now. We are both still looking and hoping to hear from one employer soon.

Almost, for so many things

Lets start with its been almost 6 months since this deployment ended (exactly 6 months tomorrow). I still can't believe that at this time last year we were only 6 months into the stupid thing. It has been an interesting 6 months. My husband and I have both not found jobs yet, although I think both of us have fully enjoyed all of our family time together. But I think we are both ready for find something solid for all of us and to get back to reality, because as much as we would love to stay home with our son every day, we are not rich. Speaking of jobs, the hubby has an interview, starts in about 10 minutes. Hopefully next week we will find something out about it. There are a few other things that could be happening for jobs for him...but you know the Army, hurry up and wait. I applied for another job last week but I'm not holding my breath. It really sucks that after 4 years of college I still can't find a decent job. If the husband gets this job he will be looking into going to college as well. So please cross your fingers for him/us. It's almost time for our little man's birthday party! It's tomorrow. And let me tell you. I totally overdid it. I invited too many people. But, it's ok, or at least thats how I'm trying to justify it, he is our first kid. We have to celebrate his first year of life and our first year making it as parents. We got him this cool radio flyer 4-in-1 tricycle thingy. I am so excited for him to sit in it and take walks with him in it. His real birthday isn't until Tuesday so we will also go out to eat that night, sans hubby. Even though we aren't on deployment anymore the hubby still has Army stuff to do. Of course he has to leave for a week and miss our little guy's first birthday. But he did get to see him take his first real steps! Thank goodness it happened this week. Of course I was out running trying to get food for the party so I missed those steps, but it's ok. I guess that's all of the almost stuff for us right now.

11 months ago

11 months ago I was sitting in Florida enjoying a book and the nice weather. I would go to bed at night wondering if this deployment would ever end, wondering if my husband would be there when I went into labor or be able to even know that our son had been born. I was pretty sure that he would not be there and I thought that I had come to terms with it, but really, you can't come to terms with the fact that your husband would not be there to see your first child come into this world. This Friday will mark 11 months since our beautiful baby boy came into this world and probably once a week I think about my husband not being there. I was watching the last episode for the season of How I Met Your Mother and saw Lilly deliver with her husband right next to her. I admit it, I teared up...like I do every time I see a husband able to be there with his wife. I seriously can't even imagine how great it would be to hold my husband's hand while I'm having a contraction or hearing his voice and seeing his face while im pushing (he was on the phone as I delivered but he stayed pretty quiet). We talked the other day about where he was while we were on the phone as I delivered and what he was thinking. He was just standing there outside (it was the middle of the night for him) and all he thought was that I was delivering 2 weeks early. I will never be able to know how he really was feeling at the exact moment I was delivering his son but as disappointed as I was that he wasn't there I know that it was even worse for him. I wonder what it will be like when we get pregnant again. What will it be like for my husband to actually feel our child moving in my belly or even just see my belly grow? I know that once we finally get settled somewhere we will start discussing another kid (if I had my way it would have happened 5 months ago). But I knows that we need to be a family of 3 for a little bit before we add another little person into our lives.