11 months ago

11 months ago I was sitting in Florida enjoying a book and the nice weather. I would go to bed at night wondering if this deployment would ever end, wondering if my husband would be there when I went into labor or be able to even know that our son had been born. I was pretty sure that he would not be there and I thought that I had come to terms with it, but really, you can't come to terms with the fact that your husband would not be there to see your first child come into this world. This Friday will mark 11 months since our beautiful baby boy came into this world and probably once a week I think about my husband not being there. I was watching the last episode for the season of How I Met Your Mother and saw Lilly deliver with her husband right next to her. I admit it, I teared up...like I do every time I see a husband able to be there with his wife. I seriously can't even imagine how great it would be to hold my husband's hand while I'm having a contraction or hearing his voice and seeing his face while im pushing (he was on the phone as I delivered but he stayed pretty quiet). We talked the other day about where he was while we were on the phone as I delivered and what he was thinking. He was just standing there outside (it was the middle of the night for him) and all he thought was that I was delivering 2 weeks early. I will never be able to know how he really was feeling at the exact moment I was delivering his son but as disappointed as I was that he wasn't there I know that it was even worse for him. I wonder what it will be like when we get pregnant again. What will it be like for my husband to actually feel our child moving in my belly or even just see my belly grow? I know that once we finally get settled somewhere we will start discussing another kid (if I had my way it would have happened 5 months ago). But I knows that we need to be a family of 3 for a little bit before we add another little person into our lives.

Yellow Ribbon Events

The Army Reserves have these things that they call Yellow Ribbon. There are 6 events at happen prior to, during, and after a soldier deploys. The first event is with families and the soldier before they deploy. The next event is just for families and occurs 30-90 days after the soldier leaves. The third is families only, 30-90 days before the return of our soldier. #4 is supposed to be 30 days after the soldier returns and it is with families and the soldier. I'll start with #4. Not only was the location of ours changed, it didn't even happen until 4 months after the guys got back. They discuss a lot about suicide prevention and over spending (don't go buy a new truck). I know that the Yellow Ribbons have good intention, but they just aren't effective if they happen 4 months later. The reserves needs to figure out how to have these events at the correct time. As a wife I have the answer to everything...hahahaha...but I swear, I could figure this crap out way better. If someone would have issues with PTSD or depression or any thought of suicide, they probably would have done crap before they had been back for 4 months. #5 is supposed to be 60 days after they return and is with families and soldiers. This one for us happened 2 weeks after #4. We got to head to Denver for it, so that was nice. The information in this one was a little better, but some of the stuff they talk about is totally pointless. Something that I would like to change is the amount of family time we get at these events. It is drilled into us at each one of these events that family is the most important thing to reintegration. Well...GIVE US FAMILY TIME. We have to be there Friday to check in (spend 1+ hours trying to navigate this cluster fluff), get supper, and go to bed since we have to be up at 530 to get ready. Did I tell you that we have to be business casual for these events? Breakfast happens then the event starts at 0800. We don't get out until almost 1600 so that gives us time for supper and a little relaxing in the hotel room then bed because we are up again at 0530. Sunday starts off the same, but we get out at 1100 and have to head to the airport at 1200. Why can't they let us stay one more night? We could have gone sight seeing Sunday afternoon. We could have spent some quality family time together. Instead we rush rush rush around for a weekend. I dont totally understand why the reserves does this stuff the way that they do, but I guess I can just look at it as a weekend away. My guess is that these events are some of the only times that some of these families take a trip together, or they might be the first time they have even been on a plane. #6 is for soldiers only. The hubby will be leaving for it fathers day weekend (someone tell me how that is a good idea to begin with? FAMILY TIME is important? HA!) oh well. I'm happy to be almost 5 months past this deployment and we are still going strong, we actually are closer than ever!