My husband's mistress

It's hunting! I hate it! I don't think I would hate it as much if it were only 2 weeks or a month. But NO, it is 4 months long and we are still just in the first 3 weeks of it. Granted I know that he could be out doing worse things, like going to bars or whatever, but hunting takes up a lot of money and even more time. I just wish that he didn't HAVE to get 6 deer every year. He donates them anyways, we don't keep them (I do no like deer meat). There is still a freezer FULL of deer meat from his dad hunting last year. Now I know he hasn't hunted in 2 years but come on! Do you have to go every single night? Ok, rant over.

We thought it would be different

If you would have asked my husband and myself 9 months ago what we would be doing now neither one of us would have said, "looking for jobs...STILL!" It's been more than 9 months since hubby returned from deployment and neither one of us has found a job. With his job experience (he's only had 3 jobs, including Army) he was at one job for 6 years, one for 12 years, and the Army for 6 years. And he can't get a job because he doesn't have experience. You have got to be kidding me! If people would give him a chance to interview they would understand that the job he is applying for is the exact same thing he did while deployed, and he had a ton more people under him than this civilian job! Then there is me. For a long time I didn't stay in one place very long so my jobs are all over the place with working and all over the place in the country. Then I have this huge, almost 2 year, whole in my résumé. Well, I got pregnant, married, moved, and my husband deployed all within 2 months...so yeah, I didn't work. We decided that it would be better for myself, my husband, and our baby that I stay at home. But employers don't know that unless they ask, and NO they are not allowed to ask. So yes, in my cover letter it states that I am a stay at home mom ready to return to work. I'd like something part time to start, ie. secretary, but then I'm over qualified because I have a bachelors degree.
So he we are...still jobless and homeless, kinda. Thank goodness hubby is able to get unemployment since he got laid off. And thank goodness we have family that doesn't mind us living with them. But we are grown and have a child of our own. I never would have imagined that it would be this hard.
So, anyone wasn't to offer either of us a job?

Things I wish I would have told myself

Now that Our son is 14 months and my husband has been home for almost 9 months I've had a lot of time to think about things. There are so many things that I look back on now that I wish I would have known before.
Giving birth without my husband there will be the hardest thing, but having my mom there will be my best second option.
Breast feeding, and extended breast feeding, will be the most rewarding thing I will ever do.
A year without my husband will seem like it never even happened just months after he gets home.
Finding a job WILL NOT BE EASY for either of us.
Living with our parents is ok, but we need to be by ourselves more.
It's ok to need a break sometimes ( I'm still having a hard time not feeling guilty).
Take a vacation!
Don't spend so much money on clothes for our little man, I'll only put him in the stuff that I like most anyways.

Those are just a few of the tHings that I wish I had told myself before this deployment. I haven't had much much of a break from our little guy in over 14months and I need to figure out how to get away for more than a couple of hours. I'm still breast feeding, only before bedtime. I'm worried that if I leave for a night that my milk will go away, and I'm not sure if our kiddo or I am ready for that. And I have tried to pump but I get nothing because it has been months since I pumped last. So,any of you nursing mommies have some suggestions for me? I need a nice break so PLEASE HELP!

that moment when...

You know that moment when a friend needs you? That moment when they just need to vent and not really hear anything from you? Do you know that moment when you need that friend? I am so thankful to have great friends that I have those moments with. Those moments when I just break down or they just break down because someone FINALLY understands EXACTLY what I'm talking about, without me having to go into complete detail. I am sad that my closest friends are not close to me in distance but to me, it doesn't really matter. We might not see each other all that often, but I know that when I NEED my friends they are ALWAYS there for me. Our lives have gone in different directions or our lives have come together because of crappy things, either way, whether I have known you since I was born, or just known you for less than 2 years, you are all so important to me. Our husbands can suck, because we all know they do once in a while (just like we as wives can suck), or we can have something spectacular happen and I know that these friends I have will be right there with me and I sure hope that they know I will be right there with them too.
You know that moment when you're ready for a break? When its almost time for the kids to take a nap and you push it up 15 minutes because you are SO ready for some quiet time? I have that feeling sometimes too, today was not one of those days. Our little man woke up so happy. When I was nursing him he would take breaks and pull my face to his to give me a kiss. He did this about 10 times. I LOVE when he initiates the kiss. Its still the open mouth slobbery kiss and its THE BEST!
You know that moment when, even after they've been gone for just a few days, your husband gets home? I still get the butterflies in my stomach. I know, a few days is NOTHING, believe me, I know that, but its still fun to get those butterflies. My husband had to go to his unit this week to get some stuff done, he's only been gone a day and should be back sometime tonight, but I still have all of the anticipation of missing him for more than just 2 days.
You know that moment when a friend says something that is offensive and you just don't know how to react? I have heard a few stories of this happening lately. Granted, I'm not usually at a loss for words but some people just need to keep their mouths SHUT! No, I don't need your opinion on my marriage. No, I don't need to hear how your marriage is so much better than mine. You gain 10 years of experience in life then talk to me. No, I'm not better than you, I'm just older and have been around the block. If you really feel that way, just keep it to yourself.
You know that moment when its just too quiet in the house. Yep, that moment is now. I better go find something to make noise!

I can't believe it

I am officially the mother of a toddler! That's so weird to say and think. ( I'm still getting use to the fact that I'm a mom) our little man's birthday party was a huge success. I didn't take nearly enough pictures and I totally forgot to take pictures of both of his cakes, but oh well. Poor little guy didn't sleep much the night before and he refused to take his morning nap so that made for an interesting party. About 2pm you could tell he was getting overly tired so we opened presents and put him down. I feel bad that he didn't get to say bye to everyone, but you just can't do too much when they are exhausted. He got some pretty cool presents too. So thank you to everyone that made it out for his party. On his actual birthday my dad, step-mom, grandma, and I took the little man out to Red Robin. He had a great time, until they sang to him. He was fine until the last 5 seconds then he freaked out. Everyone around us was laughing, including me, it was pretty funny. (the hubby was of course playing Army for the week and missed his birthday...thank you Army for that) It's July! For one Army Wife friend of mine this means it's the last short leg of her husband's deployment! So woo hoo for her! Just thinking about it brings me right back to when my husband was coming home. It's by far the most nerve wracking, exciting, stressful thing. I get short of breath remembering waiting at the airport (asking my stepdad to refresh his phone every 3 seconds to see where the plane was at), and seeing the plane as it pulled up to the gate. Ok, that's all I can talk about because my anxiety is high just thinking about it. So, good luck K! I hope you and the little munchkins have so much fun having M home again, and remember, its ok to get annoyed with stuff that he does! Still no jobs for us, but we don't totally mind right now. We are both still looking and hoping to hear from one employer soon.

Almost, for so many things

Lets start with its been almost 6 months since this deployment ended (exactly 6 months tomorrow). I still can't believe that at this time last year we were only 6 months into the stupid thing. It has been an interesting 6 months. My husband and I have both not found jobs yet, although I think both of us have fully enjoyed all of our family time together. But I think we are both ready for find something solid for all of us and to get back to reality, because as much as we would love to stay home with our son every day, we are not rich. Speaking of jobs, the hubby has an interview, starts in about 10 minutes. Hopefully next week we will find something out about it. There are a few other things that could be happening for jobs for him...but you know the Army, hurry up and wait. I applied for another job last week but I'm not holding my breath. It really sucks that after 4 years of college I still can't find a decent job. If the husband gets this job he will be looking into going to college as well. So please cross your fingers for him/us. It's almost time for our little man's birthday party! It's tomorrow. And let me tell you. I totally overdid it. I invited too many people. But, it's ok, or at least thats how I'm trying to justify it, he is our first kid. We have to celebrate his first year of life and our first year making it as parents. We got him this cool radio flyer 4-in-1 tricycle thingy. I am so excited for him to sit in it and take walks with him in it. His real birthday isn't until Tuesday so we will also go out to eat that night, sans hubby. Even though we aren't on deployment anymore the hubby still has Army stuff to do. Of course he has to leave for a week and miss our little guy's first birthday. But he did get to see him take his first real steps! Thank goodness it happened this week. Of course I was out running trying to get food for the party so I missed those steps, but it's ok. I guess that's all of the almost stuff for us right now.

11 months ago

11 months ago I was sitting in Florida enjoying a book and the nice weather. I would go to bed at night wondering if this deployment would ever end, wondering if my husband would be there when I went into labor or be able to even know that our son had been born. I was pretty sure that he would not be there and I thought that I had come to terms with it, but really, you can't come to terms with the fact that your husband would not be there to see your first child come into this world. This Friday will mark 11 months since our beautiful baby boy came into this world and probably once a week I think about my husband not being there. I was watching the last episode for the season of How I Met Your Mother and saw Lilly deliver with her husband right next to her. I admit it, I teared up...like I do every time I see a husband able to be there with his wife. I seriously can't even imagine how great it would be to hold my husband's hand while I'm having a contraction or hearing his voice and seeing his face while im pushing (he was on the phone as I delivered but he stayed pretty quiet). We talked the other day about where he was while we were on the phone as I delivered and what he was thinking. He was just standing there outside (it was the middle of the night for him) and all he thought was that I was delivering 2 weeks early. I will never be able to know how he really was feeling at the exact moment I was delivering his son but as disappointed as I was that he wasn't there I know that it was even worse for him. I wonder what it will be like when we get pregnant again. What will it be like for my husband to actually feel our child moving in my belly or even just see my belly grow? I know that once we finally get settled somewhere we will start discussing another kid (if I had my way it would have happened 5 months ago). But I knows that we need to be a family of 3 for a little bit before we add another little person into our lives.

Yellow Ribbon Events

The Army Reserves have these things that they call Yellow Ribbon. There are 6 events at happen prior to, during, and after a soldier deploys. The first event is with families and the soldier before they deploy. The next event is just for families and occurs 30-90 days after the soldier leaves. The third is families only, 30-90 days before the return of our soldier. #4 is supposed to be 30 days after the soldier returns and it is with families and the soldier. I'll start with #4. Not only was the location of ours changed, it didn't even happen until 4 months after the guys got back. They discuss a lot about suicide prevention and over spending (don't go buy a new truck). I know that the Yellow Ribbons have good intention, but they just aren't effective if they happen 4 months later. The reserves needs to figure out how to have these events at the correct time. As a wife I have the answer to everything...hahahaha...but I swear, I could figure this crap out way better. If someone would have issues with PTSD or depression or any thought of suicide, they probably would have done crap before they had been back for 4 months. #5 is supposed to be 60 days after they return and is with families and soldiers. This one for us happened 2 weeks after #4. We got to head to Denver for it, so that was nice. The information in this one was a little better, but some of the stuff they talk about is totally pointless. Something that I would like to change is the amount of family time we get at these events. It is drilled into us at each one of these events that family is the most important thing to reintegration. Well...GIVE US FAMILY TIME. We have to be there Friday to check in (spend 1+ hours trying to navigate this cluster fluff), get supper, and go to bed since we have to be up at 530 to get ready. Did I tell you that we have to be business casual for these events? Breakfast happens then the event starts at 0800. We don't get out until almost 1600 so that gives us time for supper and a little relaxing in the hotel room then bed because we are up again at 0530. Sunday starts off the same, but we get out at 1100 and have to head to the airport at 1200. Why can't they let us stay one more night? We could have gone sight seeing Sunday afternoon. We could have spent some quality family time together. Instead we rush rush rush around for a weekend. I dont totally understand why the reserves does this stuff the way that they do, but I guess I can just look at it as a weekend away. My guess is that these events are some of the only times that some of these families take a trip together, or they might be the first time they have even been on a plane. #6 is for soldiers only. The hubby will be leaving for it fathers day weekend (someone tell me how that is a good idea to begin with? FAMILY TIME is important? HA!) oh well. I'm happy to be almost 5 months past this deployment and we are still going strong, we actually are closer than ever!

Our Last Day

Today is our last day in Florida. I have such mixed emotions about this. I have just loved being down here for the last 14 months. The weather, having people to talk to all of the time, and the friendships I have made here are just a few of the things that I am going to miss the most.

I was lucky enough to meet another Army reserve wife, who was pregnant, and whose husband is deployed as well. We have spent lots of time at Olive Garden talking about everything from our husbands, to kids, to in-laws, and everything in between. It has been so nice to have someone right here that really understands all of the feelings that I was going through while my hubby was away. I was even lucky enough to go with her to pick up her husband when he came home for R&R. I was so happy to be able to keep her company and have my hubby take pictures of them. Not to mention that we already knew her husband so it was nice to welcome a friend home as well. I feel awful that we are leaving now, while her husband is still "over there". We did get to have one last Olive Garden date on Saturday night then we all went to BWW's for lunch on Sunday.
Kathryn- I am going to miss you so much. I hope that you really know how much I appreciate having you here to talk to. We will be back soon, hopefully we will be able to come back shortly after your hubby gets home. You better keep me updated and let me know when he will be home (that way I can get anxiety with you!!!)

I am a little bit excited to be leaving as well. We are going to be able to start fresh as a family. Pretty soon we will be relying on one another and not other people, which will be nice and stressful. I will be looking for work, which I am sad and happy about. The hubby will be doing odd jobs at his parent's house and at my dad's house for  the Spring and Summer while he waits for the fall semester to start. I am so excited for him to start his college career. He is a little nervous about it but I think that he is really looking forward to starting school again.

Of course our last day here in nice warm Florida our little man is sick. He woke up covered in puke about 1am. So he got a nice bath then went to sleep with us in our bed. He woke up again at 7am, nursed, then preceded to projectile vomit all over me while we were still in bed. He is napping right now, for the second time today. Poor kid, even though he isn't feeling well, when he is awake he still has a smile on his face. I hope that he feels better by tomorrow morning or it is going to make for a very interesting flight for us tomorrow.

Well, Good bye for now Florida.

The "real" reintegration

So many people that are not army spouses think that "Homecoming" from a deployment is just the hugs, kisses, and tears of joy. Its not. I truly believe that its the toughest part of the deployment process. Going from doing everything without your spouse for a year to trying to figure out how to let go of some of the responsibility is tough. The soldier has to figure out where they fit in, because their family just survived a year without much help, if any from them. I am thankful that our reintegration process has gone better than I had expected. Of course we have had arguments, those are to be expected. Our biggest argument is how much I use my phone. I tried to explain it to him that it was like another limb for the better part of a year and its a little tough to get out of that habit. I am getting better about it so our arguments have been less and less.
Being in the reserves gives people another challenge after a deployment. The hubby's civilian job had laid off just about everyone while he was gone and he was going to be next. We were actually happy that he was going to get laid off because we didn't want to live where his job was. While we were in Iowa he had a meeting with his employer and was told that he would be laid off. The hubby got everything that he wanted. We are now officially homeless and unemployed. I will pat myself on the back for this, I did a good job saving us money while he was gone so we can afford to stay unemployed for a while.
I know that we are a lucky family because reintegration really has been "easy" for us. I have heard of husbands that won't help with their children and a few divorces or separations within the unit. My heart breaks for those families. And if someone can explain to me why you would marry someone that either the soldier or the spouse can't wait a year for (meaning sex), I'd appreciate it. I just don't understand that. I know it happens more often that we would all like to think, but seriously. I want to scream at these people. HOW FRIGGIN STUPID!
Ok, short rant over.
I love having my hubby home, even when we do argue. We have become a well rounded family. And I realized that what I missed most about the hubby was the times that we are laying in bed and he or I say something stupid and we can't quit laughing (we tend to do this on a very regular basis).
I'd go through a million and one deployments if it meant that I get to spend the rest of my life calling my husband my husband. I love him more than I will ever be able to explain!

In the last 2 months

The same day the hubby made it home we went to the beach house. What a great week that was. We spent time shopping (he had to get new clothes of course), we went to Bass Pro (pretty sure he would live there if it was possible), going to the beach, and just enjoying time as a family without thinking about him having to go back. He got to watch our son in his jump-a-roo, which is one of the funniest things in the world. We had our first anniversary (nice quiet supper at the beach house). And we got to start a new bed time routine! There was no better way to spend our first week together. After that first week we spent 2 more weeks at my mom's house then headed to Iowa so he could see his family.
It was SO nice to have help while flying. Our little man did great and of course he flirted with EVERYONE. His parents picked us up from the airport and we went to my dad's house for lunch. We got to his parents house about 3 hours after we landed and I was ready to get settled.
We spent a week at his parents house. Exactly one month after he got home, he bought a truck. I was hoping that we would wait on it until we figured out what we would be doing and where we would live. No such luck. Too bad for him we had to wait to pick it up because the dealership wanted to clean it all up for us. He went on his ice fishing trip the night that we bought the truck so for an entire week I got to drive it. I went to my dad's house while he fished. The night that he was coming home I went to our friend Karen's house and her and I went to supper at Bluff Lake (BEST PRIME RIB!). The hubby was with her hubby fishing. I was so weird, I knew that he was only leaving for 5 days but so didn't want him to go. When it was all over I had to laugh at myself. 5 days...really...I just did 354 days!
We spent a few days in Wisconsin, not finding a house, another week at his parents, and another week at my dad's house. We decided that we were going to drive back to Florida. Oh boy was I stressing. A 7 month old on a 26 hour drive. I don't know why I ever stress about anything with our son. He was a champ! Only really fussed the last 20 minutes both days. Yes, that means we spent 13 hours in the truck each day.
We are back in Florida now but will be moving back up north in less than 2 weeks. So I am trying to enjoy my Army wife time while I can get it. (Thank you Kathryn for loving Olive Garden as much as I do!)

Its been a while

I had started a post less than a week after the hubby returned, but pretty much gave up on it because all I wanted to do was spend time with him and our little man.
His return was AMAZING! We went to the airport, myself, our baby, my mom, my step-dad, and my sister. My sister took lots of pictures for us, I haven't seen them yet, but I know that they are going to be great. As we were sitting there waiting for his plane to come in another mom and her daughter came up to me and they had tears in their eyes. Both are Army wives and could remember when their husbands came home from a deployment.
I seriously think I wanted for an hour just staring at the runway and asking my step-dad to refresh his phone (he was watching the hubby's flight for me). Then, there it was! My hands started to sweat, my heart started to race, and the tears started to well up. As I stood up to walk to where he would be coming out I heard the music that was playing in the airport. It couldn't have been a more perfect song. It was "All I Want For Christmas Is You." As I watched his plane taxi all I could think was, "Seriously? Could they taxi any slower??" Apparently I wasn't the only person in the airport thinking this because a man said the exact same thing to my step-dad.
I took our son out of the stroller, held our sign, and waited. I saw what was probably the entire plane get off before he did. Some people even asked if it was ok for them to stay and watch.
FINALLY, I saw that MultiCam uniform, and totally lost it. I had to bury my head into our little boy because I wasn't sure if I was going to throw up, faint, or quit breathing all together. Then he was just inches away, I threw the sign down and felt his arms around me. Let me tell you, THE MOST AMAZING FEELING IN THE WORLD! Actually being able to feel and smell him and knowing that he was really ok was better than the best feeling in the world. There were thunderous applause and tons of people cheering and yelling welcome home. (We have the whole thing on video as well) We probably stood there hugging and kissing for a good 10 minutes. I handed our son to him and the hubby couldn't believe how big he was.
As we walked to baggage to pick up all of his stuff every single person that we passed thanked him and said welcome home. We got into the elevator and there was a man, about 27 years old, in a wheel chair. He talked to the hubby and asked him where he had been. He proceeded to tell us that he had just returned in September. At this point I looked down and saw that his legs were just not right. I don't know how to explain it, you could just tell that something wasn't good. It took every part of me to not cry uncontrollably. That could have been my husband! I am so sad for that man, and so happy for my husband all at the same time.
We drove home and the hubby got to see all of the yellow ribbons that our entire street had put up. Once we got inside the house the neighbors started to come over to welcome him home. Mind you, most of them had never even met him. As we were sitting in the living room playing with Trace someone knocked on the front door. I answered it and it was a reporter from the newspaper. (We found out later that one of the neighbors had called and told them that there was a story that had to be told) The very next day, on the front of the paper, above the fold, was a huge picture of the hubby and our son. It was a great article!
It was so nice that first day just playing with our son TOGETHER!